"When you gave me that corsage, I told you that I loved you for the first time. And even though you didn't take it seriously, Tara did. Anyway, you had your time to be young and wild, to go to dances, and parties, and hang out with the in crowd. You had girlfriends and went steady, and were invited to things and clubs. You were a part of the crowd, you were popular. Everybody in town really expected you to marry Cindy Sheppard and leave town to become a big success." Everybody except me that is" I said very seriously"Cindy Sheppard went out with Tom Johnson, he was the class everything, captain of the football team, class president, yada, yada, yada"I said."Cindy had it bad for you, but you never asked her out. All of your friends even knew it, but you were so easy going you never even asked her out. She and Tom were always off and on. And when they were off, every guy in school asked her out except you. When you didn't have a date for the prom 3 weeks before the dance, she broke up. If you have children you will probably relate to this father).As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.“Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich” she said.I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers...I love mustard.I had no napkin.I licked it off.It was not mustard.No man ever put a baby down faster.It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that fancy mustard.
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